Still, once we came home, I did everything: feedings, bottles, laundry, meals, and cleaning, often at two in the morning.
Ryan went back to work and decided that meant his part was finished.
“Can you believe it, Shan?”
***
One night, I sat on the bathroom floor eating half a granola bar.
My hands shook so badly that crumbs fell into my lap.
Luna was crying. Soleil had finally fallen asleep, and Bodhi had soaked through his clothes twice.
I needed 60 seconds.
Ryan appeared in the doorway.
“Can you quiet them down?”
My hands shook so badly.
I looked up.
“I’m trying.”
“I’ve got an early meeting.”
“There are three of them and one of me, Ryan.”
“I know that.”
“Then help me.”
“I’m trying.”
He leaned against the frame and sighed.
“I work all day, Shannon.”
“So do I.”
“You’re home.”
I laughed once, but there was no humor in it.
“What do you think I’m doing here?”
“I work all day, Shannon.”
“You’re a stay-at-home mom. The house is your responsibility.”
“The babies are yours too.”
“Then pick one up.”
He looked toward the nursery as Luna’s cry rose.
“I need sleep.”
“So do I.”
“I need sleep.”
“It’s different. You don’t have to go into an office.”
He walked away.
I stayed on the bathroom floor until Luna’s cry turned sharp.
Then I got up.
***
Two days later, I was measuring formula into Soleil’s bottle when Ryan came into the kitchen, grinning at his phone.
“Ian found a place right by the water,” he said.
“It’s different.”
I kept scooping.
“What are you talking about?”
“The beach. Our guys’ trip.”
I lowered the formula scoop.
“What trip?”
