Then she returned to us as though nothing had happened.
Ms. Reyes was already turning back toward the window, phone raised, snapping a picture of the wing.
I guided Emma down the aisle. An older woman across from our new row looked up as we settled in, her eyes soft.
She smiled at my daughter without saying anything, then at me.
It felt like the first kind thing anyone had done all morning.
Lisa smiled gratefully.
“Good morning,” I greeted.
The woman greeted back.
I buckled Emma in and pressed her stuffed airplane into her lap. I kept my voice low and singsong.
“We’re going up, up, up, sweet girl. Just like the birds.”
Her small hand tightened around the plane as the engines started to roar.
The woman greeted back.
As the cabin door closed, I caught a glimpse of Lisa speaking quietly into the forward interphone. She kept her voice low, listening for a moment before answering with a simple, “Understood.”
I didn’t think much of it.
I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer that I could hold Emma together for the next five hours.
I didn’t know that the captain had just been quietly informed about everything that had happened in row 7.
I didn’t think much of it.
***
Once we were in the air, I went into what I called “mission mode.”
I slipped Emma’s noise-canceling headphones over her ears and opened her coloring book to the page with the airplanes she loved coloring over and over.
“Count with me, baby,” I whispered, pointing at the book. “One cloud, two clouds, three clouds.”
My daughter tried. She really did. But after about 20 minutes, her little body started rocking against the seat belt, and a soft whimper escaped her lips.
“Count with me, baby.”
“Mommy, sky. I want sky,” Emma whimpered.
My chest tightened. From where we sat, all my daughter could see was the aisle’s beige wall and the back of a stranger’s head.
“I know, sweetheart. I know.”
The older woman across the aisle leaned toward us with a gentle smile.
She had silver hair pinned back and warm eyes that had clearly seen a lot of life.
“I know, sweetheart. I know.”
“Sweetheart, would you like to peek out my window for a second?” the older woman asked.
Emma looked up, uncertain, and I nodded to let her know it was okay.
She craned her neck for a moment, caught a sliver of blue, and then slumped back into her seat.
It wasn’t enough. It was never going to be enough from four rows away.
I nodded to let her know it was okay.
I kept whispering our counting games while a familiar voice in my head asked whether I should’ve fought harder for our original seats.
Was this whole trip a mistake?
